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SQL Humor – 10 Signs you hired the wrong SQL DBA

dbDigger, SQL Humor

SQL Humor – 10 Signs you hired the wrong SQL DBA

  1. They can’t understand why changing column names break the application
  2. Think performance tuning = buy better hardware
  3. Believe a Stored Procedure which compiles is production ready
  4. Forcefully argue that indexing every field in the databases is the best way to increase performance (right after buying better hardware)
  5. They prefix all stored procs with ‘sp_’ – so as to be consistent with the Microsoft naming convention
  6. Thinks 9 hours to copy one million records across databases is ‘good performance’
  7. Thinks a stored procedure is the best way to copy one million records across databases
  8. Is convinced that the error generated by trying to insert a duplicate primary key value, is a bug in SQL
  9. Thinks adding a new column to a table is a four step process: create a new table, copy all the data over, drop the old table, and rename the new table
  10. Believe that adding a foreign key constraint with the ‘Enforce Relationship’ checkbox unchecked is the best of both worlds, it defines relationships without having to deal with ‘those pesky constraint errors’ when modifying data
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